can’t imagine why…
‘I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to
religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I
converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did….
she’s 21 and her name’s Lucy.
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting
“pedophile!” and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m
50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give
him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year! You’d better stop
before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”
Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Could only use it for
half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It provides me
with everything I need – Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the
lot…”
Question – Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said
No; 72% said “I am not understanding the question please.”
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me
because she can’t afford batteries.
A man calls 911 and says “I think my wife is dead”. The operator says, “How
do you know?” He says “The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling
up!”
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would
like to come back as a cow. I said, “You obviously haven’t been listening.”
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the
worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
I’ve heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new
children’s-oriented iPod after realizing that “iTouch Kids” is not a good
product name.
There’s a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center, but
they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber
jackets.
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute
towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we’d love to, but our garden hose
only reaches to the driveway.
I just knew you’d be deeeeeply offended and shocked, Darin.
Mohammed asks Achmed: “What’s yellow, black and blue and doesn’t like sex very much?”
Achmed replies “I don’t know”
“The six year-old chinese girl in the boot of my car.”
Oswald, wash your mouth out with carbolic. When have we ever heard of a Mohammed abusing a girl? Exactly.
Fireworks fun!-
http://youtu.be/umRB0FS2eac
LOL Thanks I needed the laugh.
clandestinely giggling
The Archbishop of Canterbury and the Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred-to as “English weather”. Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred-to as “Muslim weather”. Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi’ite.
“The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we’d love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.”
They knocked on my door as well – I gave them one of my old surfboards.
I take a couple of days off and look what I have missed!
This brought a much needed smile- ( – :
Carol-CS