Open house

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I see references to g*lf and j**zz creeping into comments–the world is going to hell in a handbasket. And I just got rid of our Nissan Patrol. Good car, but just too painfully slow. After running an aggressive young prick off the road the other day we decided we need something faster….he got away.

40 thoughts on “Open house”

  4. THEY ARE BACK!!!!! I’VE BOMBED AND BOMBED BUT THEY STILL RETURN!!!!

    THEY WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!

    TOOK THEIR LEADERS PICTURE: G-D HELP US!

    SEND HELP!!!!
    SEND THE MARINES!!!!!!

  6. we decided we need something faster….

    It’s all about muzzle velocity…………….

  9. Katie, my husband had no right to send you a picture of his dear mother, taken on one of her less photogenic days. :mrgreen: oh, and Darin, your solution is noted.

    • Have you tried just throwing a bucket of water on her?If it doesn’t work,just click your heels together three times while saying “theres no place like home,theres no place like home” :smile:

      • That only works on wicked witches. This one likes water. Perhaps I should call Orkin?

        Should I tell them to bring swords and shields?

  11. KG – I just tried commenting here twice, and it wouldn’t go thru (?) Let’s see if this one does.

  12. Okay, that worked : here’s what I said:

    I was driving past the golf course on my way to tennis when I suddenly remembered I must go to the jazz concert tonight !

    …Just for you KG :lol: :cool:

  13. Hey KG, this is interesting! My comments that wouldn’t go through contained the words “zzaj”, “flog” and “sinnet” (spelled backwards there to see if they will get through ;-), in a sentence that I wrote just for fun to tease you – but twice it wouldn’t go. Have you been filtering them words, you clever chap ?!

  14. I checked, and the filter seems to have picked up those words, although it’s no longer set to do so–and I had to manually approve the comment before it would publish.
    (mind you, it took a great effort of will to approve the hated trio!)

  15. The nearest thing I ever get to incendaries are fireworks. Off out to buy this year’s supplies tomorrow. Guy Fawkes is the only man to have entered parliament with honourable intentions and deserves to be annually acknowledged.

    • Some of us have been saying from day One that Michelle is the problem. What a sad little pussy-whipped President.

  19. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!

    The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did…. she’s 21 and her name’s Lucy.

    Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting paedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

    The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops. Although they do make me look a bit gay.

    Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said “We’ll struggle to get another man of the same calibre.”

    My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job.. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”

    Q: What’s the difference between a blond and a brick?
    A: The brick doesn’t follow you home after you lay it.

    Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend – Beautiful,
    Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible. Or in other words………….
    B.I.G.T.I.T.S.

    Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It does everything – KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot..

    Question – Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said “I am not understanding the question please.”

    On my Census form there is a question “Do you have any dependants?”
    Apparently putting “Hundreds of Africans, Pakis, Somalians, single mums, Romanians, loafers, smack heads and non English speaking people” isn’t the right answer. They’ve sent my form back!

    Prince William says he doesn’t want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn’t give a toss, he’s still going.

    I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show.
    Turns out I got it all wrong and the program’s called Fact Hunt.

    The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries!

    Some bastard’s just pinched a pair of my wife’s knickers off the washing line. She’s not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.

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